Love and Laughter

I got a text from my oldest sister Jenny saying "call me when you can talk". I knew that wasn't good. With 6 siblings and 20 something nieces and nephews it could have been about anyone. I thought maybe someone was in a car accident and hurt. Maybe someone lost their job. Maybe someone found out they have cancer. I was prepared mentally for those scenario's by the time I finished dialing her number.  I was not prepared for the next words out of her mouth: "Mom had a heart attack while driving home from work and crashed into a fire hydrant (in that split second I still had hope) and she died.  She died.....those words are so final. Nothing I could do at that point. In the split second of hearing she had a heart attack I had already resolved to the fact that she'd be ok, that she was a fighter and would pull through. Those thoughts didn't even have time to take root before the next words of "she died" were uttered.  So final.

I will never forget everything about that moment. Standing in my kitchen in front of my stove. Collapsing onto the floor yelling into the floor "no, not my mom, not my mom". Poor Rhys standing in the doorway watching. Kennah thankfully taking a longer than usual nap upstairs. Darren being in the room right below where I was laying on the kitchen floor running up the stairs to see what had happened. The rain beginning to fall moments later.  The utter shock and disbelief at the words that I just heard. The hurt in my sisters voice.  I've never known heartache like that in my life before. Just deep heartache. My heart ached for her already and she had just left.  

The days that followed were a fog. I had a to put on a happy face to see my oldest graduate from preschool the next morning. Then had to leave my kids behind and make the trip with my husband back to NY to bury my mother. I never ever thought I'd have to do that. I sincerely never had the thought that my mom would ever not be around. Those days are a fog of planning and honoring and remembering my mom. A lot of sleepless nights followed. A lot of crying. A lot of laughing with my siblings as well. A lot of great stories about my mom.

The memorial service for my mom was amazing. So many people there to remember her. She honestly touched so many peoples lives. It's hard to put into words what kind of person she was and I struggle with that. It feels too cheap just to say "she was such a good person". Because it barely scrapes the surface of who she was.

She was a woman of tremendous faith. My mom had a far from perfect or easy life but she held onto her faith like non other.  Even after the loss of her own mother as a baby, the loss of her Nana who was like a mother to her, the loss of her sister (her best friend), the loss of 3 of her babies, the trials and tribulations of raising the 7 of us, the ups and downs of her marriage, the struggles she had within herself, she never abandoned her Faith.  That is the one true and constant thing in my mothers life was her Faith and she clung to it many times in her life. 

She was a loyal friend. She was so obedient to God's voice to know when someone needed an extra hug that day or just a word of encouragement. She knew when to send flowers or gifts to cheer someone up. She knew just when a phone call was needed. And, she certain knew how to give someone an extra laugh that they needed. 

She knew how to forgive. She was a pro at this. She taught me the importance of this. No matter what the hurt my mom knew that by forgiving you are releasing yourself to freedom and she possessed that freedom because of her choices to forgive. 

She knew how to love. Boy did she know how to love. My mother would be easy content to sit and hug on babies all day long if she could. I'm sure that is one of her jobs up in heaven. You could feel my mom's love just being around her. 

She loved to worship. I am so thankful for the many pictures in my head of my mom worshiping her creator. She would belt out tunes while driving in the car. She would raise her head up to heaven slightly when she was singing. She loved it. Absolutely loved to sing and worship.  She was very at peace in that area. 

Most of all she loved to laugh. I mean she really loved to laugh. She loved playing tricks on people. She loved bringing laughter into people's lives. 

I've been striving the past year to make changes in my life to honor my mother in the way that she lived her life. I realized the awesome gift I was given by having a mother as awesome as she was. I was truly truly blessed to have such a great example of a mom. I pray I can be 1/2 the woman she was.  

I wonder from time to time what she is doing or if she's thinking about us. Can she see my kids when they do things that would make her laugh? Can she hear them pray for her at night? Can she see me in the quiet moments were the grief overtakes me?  I daydream about the exact moment I can see her again. Will I run right past God to see her? To feel her embrace again. To feel her soft skin on her face. To see that amazing smile of hers. To hear her laughter. To see her in her completeness,  not wanting for anything, just happy and content to be.  To worship right along side with her without abandon. I long for that day.  

Here is an excerpt from something she wrote about 5 years ago that I think explains her perfectly, in her own words. 

The question was "How would you like to be remembered? Why is this important to you?"

"As someone who loved and laughed - God gave me those names of love and laughter to define what He imparted into my life as qualities.

Laughter is good for the soul and Love is good for your character. 

It defines who you are and does not set limits on who is to be loved or to what degree - since true love is not exclusive but draws everyone in.   People can disappoint you, fail you, reject you, but in the end nothing can withstand the power of unconditional love.  It is part of God's character, defining who He is and should be part of our character, defining who we are. 

Laughter frees the soul to see the absurd in life or just the everyday events and puts them into perspective."

 

Who know lotion could be so bad?

The other day I posted about how I woke up with my eyelids all swollen and had a case of the hives again. This has happened to me about 6 or 7 times in my life before and I've never know what it was from. I even went to an allergist a few years ago and that was no help.

It's frustrating as all heck. My eyes get really puffy and itchy. It's not a pretty site folks. Thankfully I wear sunglasses pretty much 100% of the time I'm outside so I could hide it pretty easily from people. Then it starts to migrate down the left side of my face and into my left ear. Then the left side of my neck. It usually stops there but there have been times my stomach was covered in it too. Just random hives...no rhyme or reason.

I normally just deal with it for about the week it takes to go away. I try not to itch as much as I can and I usually put a steroid creme on my face. But, I'm being a lot more aware of medications and I didn't want to use anything that could potentially do more damage then good.  I called the new doctor that I am going to start treating with. I always hesitate to call doctor's. I always feel like I'm being a pest. I figured he wouldn't be able to give me any answers since we don't have the test results for my autoimmune test back. Somehow I guess I think I know what their answer will be so I just don't even bother asking.  Glad I got over that. We talked through some possibilities of what the reaction could be from.

Long story short. I'm thinking it's from a new lotion I picked up from the store last week. I am a sucker for coupons and I had a coupon for Jergens lotion so I picked up some. I put it on Darren's side of the bathroom and he used it once and told me he didn't like it. Said it had too many perfumes in it. So we switched. It's part of my morning beauty routine to dip a Qtip in some lotion and wipe off any leftover mascara that might be around my eyes. Low and behold...the next day...hives.

I looked at the ingredients and compared it to the normal lotion that I usually use and there was a list of about 17 things that were in the Jergen's that weren't in the Vaseline brand (not saying that brand is any better, it just doesn't make me break out). I started doing research about what goes into lotions etc.... I found out that some brands use Formaldehyde.  Yup that's right. The National Cancer Institute had this to say "Formaldehyde has been classified as a known human carcinogen (cancer-causing substance) by the International Agency for Research on Cancer and as a probable human carcinogen by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency."

It's a KNOWN cancer causing substance and it's in a ton of household products.  It's that crazy? So because it smells so bad they cover that smell up with "fragrance". The "fragrance" is more than likely what my allergic reaction is to. The times in the past I have gotten hives it was usually around the time of switching detergents to brands like Gain or All which both use heavy fragrance.

Back to the Formaldehyde...they don't list it as that on the bottles.  They have code names of them. One of them is DMDM Hydantoin. I looked at the bottle of Jergen's, sure enough, there is was. I was lathering my body in a Known Cancer causing agent. Lovely! And we wonder why cancer runs rampant.

I was able to get a powdered mix from my doctor (at a hefty price, def not worth the coupon savings I got from buying the Jergens) and I'm already noticing a difference in my hives from that. Healing the body from the inside out is the best way.  This is what I'm taking right now in case anyone needs an idea on how to cut down on inflammation in the body (esp intestines). InflamX

Anyway, that's my rant for the day. Check your bottles people.

Easter Candy!

It is almost impossible as a mom to try and curb sugar intake in kids lately. Every holiday revolves around sugar. Now that I am a lot more aware of the harmful affects of food coloring I don't want my kids having any. And I don't want them having too much sugar either.  Which makes it very hard to be a mom these days. I am sure I won't be the favorite but my family's health is a lot more important to me.

With Easter less than 2 weeks away I have been trying to figure out how to deal with this holiday that has basically turned into a sugar fest. I can control what I put into my kids baskets but I can't control what other Easter activities will give out to the kids. At this point the word about harmful affects of food dye and sugar on our bodies is still just getting around and not very many people are on the same page...yet.

For my kids Easter baskets I will be researching dye free candies. I have heard that Vitamin Cottage and also Trader Joe's carries dye free Jelly Beans.  So I'll be seeing about getting my hands on some of those.

I also had an idea to make my own chocolate for the kids. I've made this recipe before and used it to dip strawberries and it came out awesome. I am planning on picking up some candy molds and making some to put in the kid's Easter baskets. It's super easy and only has 5 ingredients.

Raw Chocolate
1/2 cup coconut oil, melted
3 Tbsp maple syrup (room temp to keep oil liquefied)
1/2 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp vanilla extract
Pinch of Salt

Put all ingredients in blender and process until well combined. Put candy molds onto waxed paper. Place in fridge until hard.

Another thought I had is that when the kids do get candy from other Easter Egg Hunts is that I am going to trade it out with the candy that I already have for them. My kids are pretty well educated about food dyes and are beginning to understand why I'm not to keen on them having them.  I feel like as long as I am prepared with good alternatives that it can go to bed at night knowing that I provided healthy options for them rather then filling their body with so much sugar and food dye.

Leaky Gut

Isn't that the most disgusting way to diagnose a problem with a small intestine? Leaky Gut. I'm embarrassed to even say the word. But, the truth is, I was diagnosed with it about a week ago.  Basically the walls of my small intestine have broken down and now I have small holes and whatever I eat leaks into my bloodstream. My body reacts to this invasion of proteins by attacking my body, mostly my Thyroid and wreaking all sorts of havoc.

My symptoms were not anything major. I honestly didn't even notice how bad they were until this past week when I've had to completely change up my diet.  I was dealing mostly with some uncomfortable bloating after eating some meals. I was struggling with depression and anxiety from time to time. I would randomly get very tired after eating.  My hair wasn't as healthy as I knew it could be. I would wake up in the morning with a flat stomach and by mid afternoon on some days I could honestly pass for a 3 month pregnant woman.  I couldn't lose weight no matter what my diet or exercise routine was. I know a lot of people when they hear that last one always say "you don't need to lose weight". And I agree, I was fine with the weight that I was BUT I also knew that my body was capable of more. I knew that with the workouts I did 2x's a week and the amount of running I was doing 4x's a week that there should be some type of change. I understand metabolism slows down as you get older etc...  But I just knew something else was up.

I considered myself a healthy eater. I really was. I always tried to buy organic fruits and vegetables. I can't even remember the last time I had any sort of fast food. I was very aware about food dyes. I knew what healthy portions were. Always Organic Peanut Butter, mac and cheese, cage free eggs, only organic milk etc... I knew how to count calories and how to get enough protein etc... In the past 6 years of this journey I had learned a tremendous amount food and I feel like I have so much  more to learn.  So how could this happen to me?

I was diagnosed 2 years ago with Hypothyroidism.  Nothing uncommon now and days. Seems like everyone I talk to is on Thyroid medication.  It runs in my family so I wasn't really surprised. I was a little taken back because I didn't have any of the typical symptoms but I shrugged it off and started taking my Synthroid everyday to control my levels.  Fast forward to the last 6 months and a lot of my symptoms from above were getting worse and I had this nagging voice in the back of my head saying that it wasn't normal. Ok, the nagging voice was really one of my sisters letting me know that it wasn't normal. Thank God for her!

I made an appointment to see a Homeopathic doctor. I know, I know, I'm sure that some of you are reading this and thinking that they aren't real doctors. But I assure you they are. They are doctors that are in the know of what is really going on in today's world and not just prescribing meds and recommending a surgery make the symptoms go away instead of dealing with the source. Anyway, I did blood work and found out that I have something called Hashimoto's disease. It's an autoimmune disease that attacks your thyroid.  Hence giving me all of the symptoms I was having above. BUT, I was also dealing with a lot of gut issues as well. My allergy blood work came back with a list of food items that I am allergic too. How is that possible? I've never been allergic to anything in my life.

What was happening was that because I have holes in my small intestines, the food that I would eat on a regular basis was getting into my blood stream. My body recognized that those proteins shouldn't be there and would attack my thyroid or other parts of my body causing all of the symptoms I was having.  So now my body is allergic to a lot of foods, all foods that are good for me, and I need to keep them out of my diet for the next 6-12 months. I'm talking about chicken, beef, turkey, avocado, gluten, banana, coconut and the list goes on. AND the biggest of all....CORN. If you didn't know, corn is in absolutely everything. It's actually in the Synthroid medication I was taking on a daily basis.

For the last week or so I've carefully planned out all of my meals and snacks for the day. I need to make sure that I'm not eating certain foods more than 2x's a week. I also cannot have certain foods at all until my gut heals. I have a new part time job. It's researching what I can and cannot eat and then standing in the kitchen cooking for hours!  It's a lot of work BUT...I am already seeing results. I've been off gluten 3 weeks and notice a HUGE difference.  Yesterday, I ate "gluten free" chips...thinking they were ok...and I immediately got irritable and very fatigued. My brain couldn't focus on what I was doing. I was getting anxious.  I ended up falling dead asleep on the couch for 30  minutes. Mind you, I had plenty of sleep the night before.  I looked at the back of the chip bag and sure enough, there was maltodextrin in it. Which is made from corn.

Ok, that's my whole sob story. And I'm dealing with it all day by day. BUT, it has really gotten me thinking about how can someone who is relatively healthy have these issues.? And I'm not happy with what I'm starting to realize. We are being lied to about our food. I could go on and on about all of the lies being told to us but I'll save that for another post.

I just watched a video called Genetic Roulette. Feel free to watch here: GMO Documentary.  I'm just amazed at what is in that video. Genetically Modified Soy and corn was introduced in 1996. Since then, has anyone else noticed a rise in a whole ton of medical problems? The gluten intolerance/celiac issues? The infertility issues? Autism? Gut problems? It's amazing to see the connection. I strongly urge you to spend a few minutes watching it. Seventeen years they've been feeding us this stuff all the while knowing what it does to us. It's not war that is going to kill us. It's the FDA and Monsanto. In my opinion this is far more important than gun control but yet of course gets very little coverage.

Now I'm officially a crusader against this stuff. I don't want my kids growing up with this stuff in their bodies and I'll be doing my best to keep it out of mine and theirs. Please, educate yourself about what we are being told is fine for us to eat. If your food is not in it's whole form or you aren't making it yourself....be very careful. You'll save yourself a lot of money by spending the time and money now to take care of your body.

This is really just my official warning that my status updates on Facebook are probably going to become a little annoying to people as I'll be sharing a lot of articles I've been reading about this issue. I've held myself back from doing that because I don't want to come off as a judgmental person saying to everyone to stay away from soda and fast food (but you really should) But I realize that it's more important for people to be educated about this stuff then to be left in the dark any longer. So if it annoys you...hide my status updates :)

Finding your Sweet Spot

I've been wanting to blog for weeks now and have just not found the time. It's crazy how life can become so consumed.  My last post was all about throwing out the "to do" list for a bit and I guess since blogging is usually on my to do list, I just didn't get around to it.  Funny thing happened when I moved away from my "lists". I felt really lost. Very out of control with life. Isn't that sad? I feel like I had no direction for a few weeks.

Then I happened to read, Cure For the Common Life, by Max Lucado. The premise of the book was to cause the reader to become more aware of where your "sweet spot" is. The sweet spot is defined as a place in your life where all of your unique abilities are focused on your favorite topics, in the best situations, surrounded by the right people.  The place in your life where you say "Yes! This is what I was made for. This is where I should be". The book talks about how most people don't enjoy what they do for a living. They go to and from work hating the whole day. They hate it because they aren't using the unique abilities that God has given to them in the situations that they are passionate about.

The best way to get direction for your future is to read your life backwards.  Look back over your life and see what you were passionate about. Stop and really think about what moved you. What did you love to do a a child?...... As a teenager?...... In your 20's? ...... 30's? etc...What were certain times in your life where you can remember thinking "I was born to do this".?

"The current of life's river keeps dropping you at a particular bank". Where is that? Is that working with children? Is it baking or cooking? Is it your skill in music? Is it your ability to use hand language to reach others? Is it your athletic ability? Your ability to color code and organize? To serve others? To clean a house? To stop and listen to others? To sit and visit with elderly?

I sat and thought a lot about where I have ended up time after time through my life. And no surprise there, if you read my last post you'd know, it's mostly organizing. I also love to help other people. I love being the go to person that people go to when they need something. I love that my husband can ask me at anytime to help with something or to know where something is and I can help him in that way. I love supporting him in his career.  When I had a career I loved being the one that knew how to get things done and support the ones that were above me.

Guess what didn't rise to the top? Get ready for this....Being a mom. HUH? Shock and Awe. I know! It's crazy. My whole life I was told by people "you were made to be a mom". "you are going to be such a good mom one day".  Imagine my surprise when I finally reached the glorious throne of motherhood and I was like "wait a minute, this is what I was meant to do? This does not come natural for me at all!"

Being a mom is not my gifting on some days.  I wish I could say that it's the main gift that I've been given. But it isn't. I'm good at it on some days and fail at in on others.  But then again, what is being a mom but a mixture of gifts and defects right?

When I was reading this book I started thinking about how I could live in the "sweet spot" at this part of my life where I'm not exactly in the situation where all of my skills are utilized all of the time.  I'm out of the career world, for now. Right now my job is being a wife and a mom.  Then I started seeing the whole picture.  I am a better mom when I allow myself that time to sit and plan out meals. To get dinner ready in the afternoons when I know I'll be running kids around that will need dinner right when we get home that night. To make sure the bills are paid so my husband doesn't have to worry about that. (I might secretly like to do that so I have control over it too :) To organize my family and support my husband and kids is my sweet spot.

The definition again is: The sweet spot is defined as a place in your life where all of your unique abilities (organization and supporting others) are focused on your favorite topics (my family), in the best situations (everyday life), surrounded by the right people (my family and friends).

For the last few weeks I've been looking at my "job" in a new frame of mind. I may not be creating spreadsheets or crunching numbers (well beside paying the bills). But I'm raising a little family and supporting my husband while he is in his sweet spot.  It's my sweet spot for right now. And I honestly love it. I love the days when everything runs like a well oiled machine. And I'm learning to like the days where it doesn't run that way.

I'm sure there are those out there that love the days that are chaotic and sporadic. People who love flying by the seat of their pants.  Mom's who are super creative and crafty with their kids. Dad's who can create a project for their kids in no time. Grandparents who have gift of reading a great bedtime story. People who rearrange their living room 2x's a month.  That's what I love about people. Everyone is so different but yet at the core we really desire to be doing what we were each gifted to do.

Stop and think about what your gifts are. And if you aren't in your sweet spot, how can you change your situation? Or how can you pull your gifts into your situation to make it your sweet spot. And if you can't use those gifts in your main job how can you incorporate them into other area's of your life?

I'll leave you with a quote from the book:
  "The strength of your youth unveils they passion of your life".

My never-ending "to do" list

Some people are blessed with the graceful gift of song or dance. Some are good at solving crossword puzzles. Some delight others with their cooking or baking. Some are able to handle a classroom full of kids with ease.  Me? Well, one of my gifts is organization.  I've inherited this one from my Mom.  She was the master at organizing and multitasking.  Whether I like it or not, I've got it. Believe me, sometimes it's a curse.

It's a curse because my brain never shuts off. I'm constantly planning in my head. Thinking about what the next activity is.  What needs to be done ahead of time to get dinner ready? What do the kids needs for school tomorrow? It's always best for me to plan trips it last minute because otherwise my brain is consumed with what needs to get done for the trip.  I'm constantly looking at the clock planning everything out to the next minute.It's pretty much a sickness sometimes.

When I was little one of my favorite things to do was make up an itinerary for the day (ok, sometimes it's still my favorite thing to do). But it would look something like this:
8:00: Wake up
8:10 - 8:20: Have breakfast
8:20 - 8:30: Get dressed, brush my teeth
8:30 - 9:00: Watch cartoons
9:00 - 10:00: Play Barbie's with Becky

You get the point. I loved planning it all out and most of all, following it to a tee. Most of the times by the time the afternoon came I was off schedule and just forgot about the whole thing anyway.  

I've been working lately on trying to turn that part of my brain off.  Many times I over plan so much that it takes the fun out of it.  When I plan something too much and then it doesn't happen according to my every   planned moment, it really throws me for a loop. This happens a lot when we plan family vacations. I put so much thought into making it be perfect that I don't prepare for the mishaps along the way and in turn, quite honestly, freak out about it. Our visit to Disneyland a few weeks ago was a prime example when we tried to get back in the park after an afternoon break and they told us it was closed since it was at capacity.  I did not handle that well at all. Thankfully, another of my gifts is not taking no for an answer and we got back in :) But in the meantime, I was not prepared for that turn of events.

I keep legal pad notebook around that lists things that I need to do.I have three categories: "Immediate, This Week and Long Term". I list things like laundry, bills, cleaning etc... under immediate. Weekly gets things like : look into new eye doctor, set up dentist appt etc.. And long term is stuff like: Fill in baby books, do a will etc...  I know, I know. I'm a nerd. But I love stuff like this. I love when my life feels like it's organized.

I noticed I was becoming a bit obsessed about this list of mine. Mostly it was because more was getting added onto it then being crossed off.  I kept it right in the kitchen when I spend the majority of my time so it was staring me in the face all day. Reminding me of what I wasn't crossing off of it.

This past Christmas break I slacked off on keeping  my list up to date and I realized how much laid back it made me. I knew the necessities that needed to be done  for the day but my brain wasn't overwhelmed by every little thing on that list. Now I keep the list in my office so that when I do have some time to cross things off the list I go into the office to see what needs to be done. That way I'm not consumed by the thoughts of what needs to get done. I get the necessities done and if I have time I can cross a few other things off the list.

I'm learning that somehow life still works out just fine even without planning every detail. One day last week I didn't plan a thing out to do that day. We had a vague idea that we were going to take the kids snow tubing but I didn't stress on the timing of it. Turns out we didn't leave till 3pm and it was a 2 hour drive and going to be 5 degrees in the mountain. Everything in me was telling me this was very poor timing and we should have left earlier etc... Turns out we had the best time ever. The hill wasn't crowded. They pretty much let us tube for free and we hit none of the ski traffic coming back at 9pm.

For those of you that have this gift/curse, I challenge you to put away the to do list for a few days and just let the day take you where it may. Make that extra stop at the playground with the kids if they ask, even if it's too close to nap times. Scrap what you were planning on making for dinner and eat out. Get a babysitter last minute and go out.

Not everything needs to be perfectly planned out in order to work out perfectly.

Resolutions

Darren and I make New Years resolutions every  year. I'm not too sure if that is an ancient practice these days or not but we still do it. We keep track of them from year to year and it's a really great way of seeing how we've changed in the past few years.  As a mom I feel like I never accomplish anything at the end of the day so it's nice to look back and, for the most part, be able to say "yup, I actually did accomplish that this past year".

Our goals tend to change the older we get.  The first year of our marriage was more career oriented and financial goals.  Then came the kids and that's when my resolutions started to change.  I noticed a theme for a few years was to learn more about how to parent better, how to have more patience. It reminded me of those hard years with Rhys where I just felt like I failed every single day. Not to say I have mastered this parenting thing at all, but I feel like I've grown in this area. But not without a lot of hard work put into it. It's been the hardest thing for me to get to know someone that is so different but yet so much like me and know how to be their mother.

This past year, 2012, was quite a duesy for me. I honestly feel like I've been living in a cloud for the past 7 months since my mom's death, and for some reason these past few days I feel like I'm able to see clearer. Maybe it was the Christmas break Maybe it's the feeling of a new year with new expectations. Who knows. But it's nice to have a little bit of a break from the cloud that has been over me.  While sitting down to think of my resolutions for 2013 I tried to think about characteristics of my mom that made her such a great woman. One of her favorite things to do was to read. I'm not exaggerating when I say my mother had probably read over 1000 books in her life. There was always a stack of books on her nightstand. I honestly don't know when she even had time to read while taking care of 7 kids and working.  She wrote in her memoir that one of her favorite times was in the middle of the night when she would be doing a midnight feeding with a baby in one arm and a book in the other. It was her time to read and connect with us at the same time (always multitasking! )

My mother was a very wise woman and I have no doubt it was because of the time she spent reading. Most of the books she read were by Christian author's and had an impact on who she became in life.  She would take what she was reading and apply it to her life.  There were times a book had such a big impact on her that she'd buy a copy for us to read so she'd have someone to talk to about it.  If my busy mother had the time to read as much as she did then I really have no excuse. This year I am going to read at least a book a month.  I'm going to write down all of the books I read so that I can measure my success at the end of the year.  I'm looking forward to filling "dead" time with books rather than my phone.  I'm going to keep one in the car so I can read for a few moments while picking kids up from school. I have one in the dining room that I sit down and read a few pages at the rare moments the kids are playing nicely.  It's exciting to challenge my brain to think about things that I wouldn't normally think of throughout the course of my day.  To get outside of my "mom" world and push myself to think about things other than day to day life.  

My challenge to you is that, if you haven't made any goals for 2013, to sit down and really think about things in your life that you want to change and then come up with a game plan to change it.  Don't just say "lose some weight, stop smoking, be a nicer person etc.."  Try to come up with how you'll lose that weight, how you'll stop smoking, what can you do to learn to be a nicer person.  Put a plan of action in place and put it into your calendar and hold yourself accountable. Or get others to hold you accountable.  Write it down somewhere so that at the end of the year you can see how you were able to attain that goal.

I truly believe God wants us to continue to grow in every area of our life on a constant basis. Staying stagnant is boring.  Push yourself to attain goals that you've been wanting to do and then do it.  Feel free to leave a comment as to what your resolution(s) are for this year and how you are going to attain it.